


Reform School

by rentgirl2



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Brief Violence, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, M/M, Oral Sex, Romance, Seventeen year old Blair, noncon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-11
Updated: 2012-08-11
Packaged: 2017-11-11 19:36:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/482144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rentgirl2/pseuds/rentgirl2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While working as the headmaster at an all boys military school, Lt. James Ellison finds himself unwittingly attracted to one of his young charges, Cadet Blair Sandburg.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reform School

Seventeen year old Blair Sandburg wiped his nose on the back of his hand.

That stupid cow. How dare that bitch pull him out of Rainier and dump him in this hellhole? Yeah, he'd had some trouble with his roommate this past semester and, yeah, maybe a professor or two but if she'd ever stop and pay a little attention to him instead the newest boy toy she was letting poke her, maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have made such a mess of everything.

He pulled at his clothes. A uniform, for Christ's sake. Naomi had let him run naked until he was five and never said a word about anything he had worn his entire life and now that ridiculous whore had him locked up where he was dressed like GI Joe.

She'd let them cut his hair. His hair. He would kill her with his bare hands if he had the chance. He wouldn't have the chance, of course. The cowardly slut hadn't even had the decency to come to the university and get him herself. She sent Chad, her latest fuck. God, he hated her.

He blinked rapidly and gave his nose another swipe. He hadn't ever let Naomi see him cry and he wasn't about to let these jerks see him fall apart. He had no idea how long he'd be stuck in this pseudo jail. Chad, that asshole, had laughed when Blair asked him.

"You'll be in there long enough to give your mom a break." Yeah, mothering was such a strain on Naomi. She was more a daughter to him than he'd ever been a son to her. He hated her. Really.

God, why did she leave him here? He'd tried. He'd done everything he could. Stayed quiet when she wanted him to, been amusing when she was lonely and invisible when he had to be. He'd tried so damn hard.

He felt the tears well up again and gave a watery sniff. No use crying over Naomi. She was a lost cause. And there was no use crying for himself. Nobody gave a damn. No one ever had. He wiped his nose one last time and swallowed hard. Whatever they dished out, he could take. After all, who could hurt him more any more than his own mother had?

"Sandburg?"

Blair stood up from the bench in the hallway. "Yeah?" he answered the man in the doorway.

"You'll answer 'Yes, sir,' Sandburg." The man motioned him into his office. Blair thought about mouthing off but restrained himself when he realized the officer outweighed him by a good forty pounds of muscle and topped his own height of 5'7 by at least 6 inches.

"Close the door behind you, Sandburg."

The lieutenant sat behind the desk, leaving Blair standing. He picked up Blair's file and began to read aloud. "Fighting, disrupting class, breaking curfew, underage drinking. Well, you're quite a prize, aren't you, Sandburg? Plenty of brains but no smarts or discipline."

Blair shrugged.

"The correct answer is 'Yes, sir, Lt. Ellison.'"

Blair stared at him, unwilling to answer.

Ellison got up and stood behind the boy. He leaned forward, his chest almost touching Blair's back and whispered into his ear. "That cocky attitude might have almost worked at Rainier, Sandburg, but it won't cut it here." Blair tried to take a step forward, away from the uncomfortable heat of Ellison's body at his back but was trapped between the older man and the desk. "Do you understand me, Sandburg? You think you've got everything in the world figured out, don't you, smart guy? You're just a little too good for the rest of us, aren't you? Well, smart guy, I can make your life a living hell here. I can make you wish you'd been the best little boy they'd ever seen at that college. Do you understand me, Sandburg? Do you?"

Blair shivered. He could swear that Lt. Ellison was sniffing him. For the first time, he was afraid. His voice came out soft and squeaky. "Yes, sir, Lt. Ellison. I understand."

"Good." Ellison turned and faced the window. "Get out of here. Report to your quarters and get settled. Classes start this afternoon after lunch. I don't want to have to see you in my office again, Sandburg. Not even once."

"Yes, sir," Blair said and hurried from the room.

Ellison took a deep breath when the boy left the room. He wasn't sure what had just happened. One minute he was getting ready to tear the little bastard a new one and the next he was surrounded by the smell, the heat, the sex of the kid. He was hard in two seconds flat. He wanted nothing more than to grab Sandburg by the hair, force him to his knees and fuck that lush mouth until he came. Damn. He had to keep Sandburg out of his way. He needed this job more than he needed that mouth on him.

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

Bubble gum, Jim decided, gently running his hand over the growing bulge in his briefs. Yeah, bubble gum. Sweet and sticky and slightly childish. That's what Sandburg's mouth would taste like. Bubble gum. Not the sugar free kind, either. No, it would be the chalky, gooey stuff that came in flat chunks wrapped up in a comic. And he'd slip his tongue into that warm, wet mouth, sucking on Sandburg's full bottom lip.

He was erect now, his balls drawn up tight. He started fisting his cock, imagining Sandburg's blue eyes looking up at him as his dick moved in and out of that bubble gum flavored mouth.

No, not bubble gum. Cotton candy. The pink stuff you bought on a midway of a carnival. Not the blue, only the pink. And the night would be dark and filled with stars and the scent of popcorn.

Cotton candy. Rolled fresh on a paper cone. Spun sugar that crackled on your tongue then turned to pure sweetness, flooding your mouth for just a second before you dove in for more. Yeah, cotton candy.

And Sandburg would use that mouth to whisper "Jim, please, please, more, please," as Ellison pushed deeper and deeper into the untried body. "More, Jim, more, please, please."

Ellison groaned as he came, spurting thick and hard on his hand and belly.

For the past two months he'd laid in bed like this, dreaming of that kid. He tried not to think of the boy in the daytime but at night, alone in his quarters, Blair took up his every waking moment.

God, this was ridiculous. He couldn't have the kid. Couldn't. This job was his second chance and he couldn't afford to fuck it up.

The Banner Military Academy was a last stop for troubled teenaged boys. An experimental school run jointly with Washington State and the US Army, Banner had been in existence for less than a year. When Ellison, then in Ranger training, had had one too many run-ins with his company commander, he was sent to Banner to help set up the program. If it succeeded, so did Ellison. So far, so good. Two more months and he would be back in the Ranger program and out of Banner. It was as much an opportunity for rehabilitating his career as it was for the boys.

Although he taught no classes, he was in charge. He was responsible for the day to day operations of the school. He was to maintain discipline and oversee the boys. His future with the military depended on this. One shot, he'd been told. One shot.

Jim got off his bed and went to the bathroom to clean up. One shot. He had made sure that he had no contact with Sandburg since that first day. He'd talked to the kid's teachers and they'd all confirmed that he was borderline genius. The class work was nothing for him and he was stimulating for the teachers and helpful to the less academically gifted boys. He was quiet, studious, no trouble.

Something about that bothered Jim. He knew that was out of character for Sandburg. He'd even called a few of the university professors at Rainier. The general consensus was that Blair was bright, brash and mouthy. So, even though he expected the kid to be on his best behavior in the beginning, two months down the road there should have been some sign of his true personality. Jim knew that the mother had not yet visited, called, or written. That bothered him, too.

Maybe he'd make a point of seeing Sandburg face to face on campus today.

It was stupid to let a little heat between them keep him from checking on the kid. He was pretty sure the fantasy Blair was a whole lot sexier than the real life Blair. Time to get this obsession under control.

Tomorrow he'd go by Blair's last class. Just to see that everything was okay. After all, that was his job.

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

Seventeen year old Blair Sandburg wiped the blood from his nose with the back of his hand.

He'd been putting up with a fair amount of shit from his roommate, Mark Weston, from day one. The missing books and schoolwork, the destroyed clothing, the stolen money, the under the breath hissing of "I'm going to fuck you up, Pretty Boy," had been happening from the first afternoon. The shoving, pinching and hitting had started a month ago. The whispered "I'm going to fuck you up, Pretty Boy," had changed to "I'm going to fuck you, Pretty Boy," two days ago.

Weston was a year younger than Blair but had fifty pounds on him. He resented everything about Sandburg from his looks to his intelligence. Two days ago they'd both figured out what Weston resented the most was his desire for Blair.

It wasn't the first time a guy had come on to him. God, at the university it was practically a daily occurrence. The same thing that made girls pay attention to him made guys pay attention to him--dark curly hair, big blue eyes and lots of attitude. The boys at Rainier had been nice enough and took no for an answer. He was pretty sure things weren't going to work out like that with Mark.

Two more months. That's all he had to hold out for. When he turned eighteen, Naomi wouldn't be able to keep him here and he could return to college. He wondered if Naomi even remembered that she had put him here. He hadn't heard from her or Chad since the day Chad dumped him at Ellison's office.

He hadn't seen Ellison at anything but a distance in those two months and he planned to keep it that way. Ellison had told Blair he didn't want to see him in his office even once and Blair believed him. He was doing his best to fly under everyone's radar: quiet, clean and unseen. It was a trick he'd learned living with some of Naomi's less tolerant boyfriends. Not everyone was willing to put up with someone else's kid so he'd learned to be invisible. He was trying to do that now. Too bad he wasn't invisible to Mark Weston.

Did he put off fuck-me pheromones or something? God, couldn't they just leave him the fuck alone? First Ellison sniffing him and then Mark touching him.

Well, he was pretty damn sure that the lieutenant had been sniffing him. It had scared the hell out of him then but sometimes, like when he was soaping himself in the shower and maybe taking a little longer that necessary to wash his cock, he thought about it. Wondered what Ellison had smelled. And did he like it?

Blair took a cloth and washed his face then put the damp cloth over his swelling eye. Man, how was he going to hide this? The other bruises were on his body where he could keep them from the instructors and other students. The last thing he wanted or needed was to be hauled into Ellison's office for fighting. He needed to stay out of trouble.

He cleaned the cut on his lip. Deep, but not bleeding anymore. That was good. He could kind of keep his head down for the next couple of days and no one would notice. He hoped.

He wondered if he'd actually have to give into Mark. He couldn't imagine giving a blowjob to anyone but Ellison. Whoa! Where had that come from? He meant, he couldn't imagine giving a blowjob to anyone even if it would save his face and keep him out of trouble.

Maybe he'd have to rethink the whole thing.

He picked up his books and headed for class.

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

It was almost over. Fifteen more minutes of calculus and he was done. His seat was in the back of the classroom and he'd kept his head down and angled all day. Other students saw, sure, but he was well liked so no one had ratted him out for fighting. More like being a punching bag, really, but if that kept Mark's cock out of his mouth, well, then he'd being getting the shit kicked out of him on a regular basis for the next couple of months.

Provided no one noticed.

"Attention!"

Blair looked up, stunned. Ellison was in the room. Every other cadet stood next to their desk but him. Blair got up quickly, knocking his calculus book to the floor with a loud thud. Fuck! Way to call attention to yourself, Sandburg.

Every head remained facing forward.

Ellison caught his eye before Blair could turn his face away. The lieutenant's icy gaze turned hard. He nodded to the math teacher. "They look good, Mr. Rhodes. Continue."

The class sat down, Ellison leaned against the wall, and the lesson went on.

Thank you, God, Blair thought. Thank you, thank you. For a minute there he was sure Ellison was going to bust him.

When the bell rang, Blair grabbed his books. He wanted to lay down for a while. His face and ribs were hurting like hell. Maybe an ice pack on his cheek and lip would help.

"Sandburg."

Blair's heart stopped. Fuck, oh, fuck.

"Yes, sir, Lt. Ellison?"

"My office. Now."

Fuck, oh, fuck.

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

When he saw the kid's face he wanted to howl. Who the hell did that to him? That beautiful face. That face that he'd licked and stroked and bobbed up and down on his dick so many times in his dreams. The way the boy was favoring his right side there was probably more bruising on his body.

Why hadn't he known about this before?

He knew why. He'd been so busy screwing the kid in his fantasies that he'd been afraid he couldn't keep his hands off him if he got too close. He hadn't done his job--overseeing and disciplining the boys because of his own weaknesses. And Sandburg paid the price.

Ellison sat behind the desk, Sandburg in parade rest in front of him. You had to admire the kid's guts. He knew he was in deep fucking trouble but there he stood, proud and defiant. Yeah, that was the Sandburg Jim had been jerking off to, not the quiet little good boy he'd been showing the rest of them.

He took a minute to inventory Sandburg's injuries. The left eye was mostly swollen shut and getting blacker by the minute. His left cheek was bruised and abraded. His bottom lip was split open and oozing a little.

"Unbutton your shirt, Sandburg."

"Sir?"

"Unbutton your shirt."

Blair hesitated. "Do it now, Sandburg." Ellison leaned over the desk. "Unless you'd like me to do it for you?"

Blair began to unfasten the uniform. Jim noticed that the boy's hands were scratched. When the shirt hung loose Ellison said, "Take it off."

"No, sir," Blair answered.

"That's an order, Sandburg. Take off the shirt." Blair dropped it to the floor.

Jim's gut lurched. Blair's torso was covered with bruises and scratches in varying stages of healing. "Who did this to you?"

"Did what, sir?"

"Who hurt you like this, Sandburg?" He couldn't help noticing the fine, dark hair that covered the boy's chest and abdomen. The boy was thin, leanly muscled. In spite of himself, Ellison felt heat run to his groin. He'd been wrong. The real life Blair was far sexier than the fantasy Blair.

"No one hurt me, Lt. Ellison. I fell."

"Bullshit. Who. Did. This. To. You." Jim felt rage rise along with his lust. He wanted to kill someone. No one else had the right to touch Sandburg.

"No one. I swear, sir."

"Sit on the couch, Sandburg." Jim got a wet cloth and gently pressed it on the left side of the battered face. Blair felt tears in the back of his throat. It had been so damn long since anyone had shown him any tenderness.

And Ellison was the last person he'd expected it from.

"You're not going to tell me, are you, Sandburg?"

"There is nothing to tell, sir."

"Sandburg..Blair..between you and I have to know if he hurt you any other way? Did he...rape you?"

Blair shook his head. "No. No one did anything like that to me." Yet. The unspoken word was shouted between them.

"Why didn't you come to me? I could have helped you."

"'Don't let me see you in my office,' remember? Anyway, in two months I'll be eighteen. If I stay out of trouble, I'll be back at Rainier where I belong." He pulled the cloth away and met Jim's arctic blue eyes. "Please, Lt. Ellison. Don't say anything. I'll stay out of trouble. I swear. I don't know if I can stay sane if I have to be here longer than two months."

"I can't let this keep happening to you, Sandburg."

"Please, I'm okay, I promise." Blair felt the spark of heat between them. He recognized the look in Ellison's eyes. Ellison wanted him. Wanted to fuck him. Maybe for once he'd use that to his advantage. Blair pushed up to his knees on the sofa, putting his hand behind the man's neck. "Please, Lt. Ellison. Please."

Jim groaned and closed the distance between them.

He pressed a soft feather kiss to the boy's broken lip, not wanting to hurt him. "No, kiss me harder," Blair whispered. "Please, Lt. Ellison."

"Say Jim," Ellison said against the boy's cheek. "When we're alone, call me Jim."

"Jim. Jim, kiss me harder. Now." He opened his soft, full mouth over Jim's firm lips. With a sigh of pleasure Blair slipped his tongue into the moist crevasse.

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

Jim lifted Blair up and pulled the boy against him. The kid felt so damn good in his arms. Jim deepened the kiss, rubbing his tongue over every slick surface in Blair's mouth.

Blair's mouth.

Not bubble gum. Not cotton candy. No, something that was more complex, richer.

Jungle. Loam. Earth. Air. Water. Life.

The kiss was overwhelming, flooding his senses in a way he'd never experienced before. He could hear their hearts beating, his steady and straining, the boy's racing. He could hear the blood coursing through Blair's body, the breath deep within him.

And smell. He could detect the scent of desire, the sweat, the toothpaste, the shampoo, the hint of fear rising off Blair's body.

He ran his callused fingers carefully over the boy's face. He felt the fine grain of Blair's smooth skin and the promise of beard just below the surface. He moved his hand lower and touched the silk of an exposed nipple. He could feel the contraction, the pebbling as he skimmed it. Blair moaned into his open mouth.

A rightness struck him as he continued to kiss the boy. A sense of impending connection that had nothing to do with his urgent erection and everything to do with the comfortable weight of the young body in his embrace.

He wasn't sure when the taste of Blair turned from jungle to blood or when the sighs of desire turned to whimpers of fear but he suddenly realized the boy was pushing against him, trying to get away. It was as if he'd been so lost in the touch, the taste and the scent of his would be lover that he'd lost track of time and place.

Jim released him. Blair stood perfectly still, prey before predator. Blood was dripping from his split lip.

Ellison slowly reached out, capturing a drop of the red fluid on the tip of his forefinger. He brought it to his mouth and sucked the finger clean.

Life. Jungle. Blair.

Blair lurched forward, his body unable to resist the open wanting in Jim's face. He fell into the older man's arms, felt the large warm hands draw gentle, soothing patterns on his naked back.

"I'm sorry, Blair. I never meant to hurt you or frighten you."

Blair let Jim ease them both to the sofa. They turned so he was on Jim's lap, his face in the crook of Jim's neck. Still the hands smoothed over his tortured flesh, comforting and exciting him.

"It's okay," he mumbled.

"No, Blair, it's not, but it will be." He shifted the boy slightly so his weight was off Jim's rock hard cock. He'd promised himself this wouldn't happen, that he wouldn't jeopardize his career and now here he was.

This kid, this amazing temptation, this wet dream come to life, was half-naked in his arms. Half-naked and practically purring.

He was fucked.

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

He wasn't sure where he was but he must have fallen asleep. He opened his uninjured eye. He was facing a belt buckle.

He closed his eye and slowed his breathing. He needed a minute to get his head together and Mr. When We're Alone Call Me Jim was a little too intense for him right now. This was way more than he'd bargained for. He'd gone on instinct. He'd seen the lust in the lieutenant's eyes and thought that maybe he could manipulate it to his advantage. Man, had he miscalculated. Those kisses, shit, they'd left him restless, itchy. Horny.

His head was cradled in Jim's lap, his discarded shirt draped over his bare torso. He could feel Jim's hands in his hair, carefully straightening out the cork screw curls that had recently started to grow back.

Naomi had definitely not raised a homophobe but he'd never really thought of himself as gay. Or even remotely attracted to a guy. Yeah, and he hadn't been jacking off in the shower for the last month fantasizing about Ellison's big, beautiful body pounding into him either, had he?

Not that he had anything against gays. Sex is sex and whatever does it for you is what does it for you.

And, man, sucking face with Jim Ellison had really done it for him.

Blair had been having sex for years. When he was twelve, Naomi brought a twenty year old coed to live with them and tutor Blair in advanced physics. He'd learned a lot by the end of the summer.

He liked women. The way they felt under him, the heated sheath of their bodies as he pushed into them, the tight spasms as they orgasmed around his cock. He liked them, he fucked them, he made them come. But they never made him feel like Ellison had.

When the man kissed him, Blair felt like he was the center of Jim's universe. He'd practically devoured Blair. Couldn't seem to get enough of his mouth, his skin, his scent. As much as it excited Blair, it had frightened him. They had both been out of control. He'd never been with a man, wasn't sure would happen next, so he'd backed off.

Then Jim had done the unexpected. He had let him go. He'd tasted Blair's blood. No, he'd savored Blair's blood. The fear had burned away.

He had to be realistic. Weston would find some way, in the next sixty days, to corner him and take what he wanted. Even if Blair gave in nicely, he was pretty sure Weston wouldn't be satisfied unless it was painful and humiliating.

He had to be pragmatic. Ellison was older, experienced and attractive. He had the power to protect Blair.

It he had to give it up to one of them, it made sense it would be Ellison. It was a logical decision.

It had absolutely nothing to do with the hard dick he was sporting just considering the possibility of being Jim's lover.

Nothing at all.

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

He watched the boy sleep for another fifteen minutes, then carefully lifted Blair and carried him to the small room attached to the office. The room had been designed for the commander to sleep in should an emergency occur. Jim had only used it twice in the past ten months. There was a cot, tiny closet and toilet, convenient for a night or nap, but hardly living quarters. No shower, no kitchen, a cold sink was the only running water.

Jim placed the kid on the cot and covered him with a green Army blanket. The boy mumbled something in his sleep that sounded like "Be logical" but since the acutely sharp hearing Jim experienced while kissing the kid was gone, he wasn't sure.

He couldn't think straight looking at Blair so he went back into his office, quietly shutting the connecting door. He slumped into his chair, head in hands. Jesus, what a mess.

Sandburg would never give up the name of his attacker, that was a given. Whoever had done this had done it before and would keep doing it. That was a given, too. Ellison wasn't even sure if Sandburg was fighting back. The kid had a goal--stay out of trouble --and he wasn't going to let anything deter him. Even getting the shit kicked out of him on a regular basis.

The beatings had to be taking place in the boys' barracks. There was too much supervision during class hours. Too many eyes watching during free time. The only privacy the boys had was in the shower and in their rooms.

The roommate.

According to Sandburg's college transcripts, there had been roommate trouble before. Had someone else wanted in the kid's pants as badly as the present roommate did?

As badly as I do, Jim admitted to himself.

He looked up Sandburg's roommate. Mark Weston. Sixteen. Six feet tall, one hundred ninety pounds. High school football player. History of assault, robbery. Suspected in an attempted rape but the charges were later dropped. Perfect roommate for Sandburg. Christ Almighty.

Ellison made his decision. Sandburg would move into the room off his office. He could attend class in the morning then work as an unofficial assistant in the afternoons. He would talk to the boy's teachers and see if a half-day of class was feasible.

But would it be feasible for Jim? Could he have the boy in the same room with him for hours everyday and resist the urge to touch him? Could he hear that voice, listen to that breathing and not dream of other things that could be done with that delicious mouth? He had to.

His career and Blair's safety depended on him keeping his hands to himself. The kid had to be off limits.

And he was a kid. Seventeen. Not even legal. Jim was twenty-five, old enough to show some self-restraint. He was a military officer. He knew better, for Christ's sake. He picked up the phone.

Forty-five minutes later everything was set up. Now, Blair had to be told.

Ellison perched on the edge of the cot.

Sandburg was beautiful. He slept like a child, sprawled on his back, his left arm curved above his head, palm up. His dark lashes feathered on his high cheekbones, hiding his blue eyes.

Did he really think he could be in close proximity to Sandburg everyday and resist trying to seduce him? And after the kisses they'd shared, how much seducing would it take?

Ellison looked at the swell of Blair's lips. Just one more touch. One more and then he'd put this inappropriate attraction behind him. He couldn't have the boy. He knew he couldn't. But one more touch, that he could have.

Jim brushed his blunt thumb against the satin of Blair's bottom lip. Firm yet giving. Smooth, warm. He pushed against the bottom lip again, this time lightly stroking the moist, silky inner lining. Blair moaned, awakening. As Jim started to withdraw his thumb, the pointed tip of the boy's tongue snaked out to meet it. Then lap at it. Then suckle it.

The drowsy blue eyes met his. He could see the sparkle of wanting in them. His cock began to pulsate to the rhythm of Blair's sucking.

Jesus, God, he couldn't stop himself. One more kiss, that's all. One more to remember what could have been.

Jim leaned over Blair and let his tongue replace his thumb.

Incredible.

The kid licking at his mouth almost made him come. He pulled away from Blair. The boy gave a sleepy grunt of disappointment. "Jim?"

"We can't do this, Sandburg."

Blair started to protest. Jim placed three fingers across the boy's mouth and sadly shook his head. "No more, Sandburg. Just listen, okay?"

The boy nodded.

When Jim finished laying out his plan there was relief and gratitude in Blair's eyes.

He grabbed Ellison's fingers and kissed them. "I appreciate you doing this for me, Jim, really, but why no more?"

"It's not right, Sandburg. You're seventeen and you're under my command."

Blair was silent for a moment then nodded. He gave Jim a breathtaking smile. "Okay, but I won't be underage or under your command forever, Jim. Just two more months." He placed a quick, sweet kiss on Jim's surprised lips. "I can wait."

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

When Blair had said two weeks ago that he could wait, well, he'd believed it. However, two weeks of working along side Ellison and being ignored were driving him fucking nuts.

It was a basically mindless job and he liked the privacy of living in the office, make that living out of Weston's reach, but being around Jim and being given the same attention as a swivel chair was making him crazy.

When had he crossed the line from giving it up to Jim was a logical decision to wanting Jim so desperately he had a hard on most of the time?

And where the hell did Ellison get off anyway? He'd kissed Blair senseless, made Blair want him, then turned off like nothing had ever happened between them.

He appreciated the safety of living here. He knew the lieutenant called in some favors to protect him but, damn it, what had Blair done wrong? Was he always going to be just shy of good enough to love? Naomi. Jim. Was there a little cosmic pattern here for him to follow?

Blair Sandburg. The boy who was never quite enough. Sure, Naomi wanted him around when she was between men. He was adequate company until someone better came along. Then he was forgotten again. Naomi shipped him off to a relative or dumped him on a friend or, as a last resort, dragged him along, ignoring him until she was alone again.

Jim, that asshole, had made him think things could be different. Those few moments in the older man's arms had tempted Blair to believe that maybe he was worth caring about. Maybe worth loving. That fucking heartless bastard.

Yeah, he could attract people but never hold on to them. For the millionth time in seventeen years, Blair wondered why he even cared.

He didn't need anyone. Growing up with Naomi certainly taught him that lesson over and over again. No, he didn't need anyone. For the first time, though, he wanted. Shit, he was practically eaten alive with wanting. He thought of Jim and he wanted and wanted and wanted.

Damn it.

Since there was no real bath in his room, Blair showered at the boy's barracks in the evening. He grabbed his gear and stopped by Ellison's desk.

"I'm done for the day, sir," he said.

"Okay, Sandburg." Jim didn't look up.

Cock sucker.

He knew when he returned from dinner and showering that Jim would be gone. It was if he couldn't bear to be around Blair. He hardly ever spoke to him. Hardly ever acknowledged him. Blair was as unimportant, as invisible to Ellison as he had been to his mother. God, that hurt.

Blair glanced over his shoulder as he left the room and saw something that shifted the world under his feet.

Jim was watching him leave, staring at him with such hot, naked longing in his eyes that the breath left Blair's chest. Then, the look was gone. Those clear blue eyes were icy again.

"Night, sir," Blair managed.

"Goodnight, Sandburg," came the nonchalant reply.

Blair almost danced on the sidewalk. Jim did want him. Shit, if the way he looked at Blair was any indication, Jim was crazy about him. Excellent.

His heart soaring, Blair ran the rest of the way to the barracks. Jim had been serious about the underage, under his command bull. Okay. Six weeks.

He could wait six weeks.

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

Ellison wanted to smash something. Anything.

That kid. Fucking A, that kid.

In the mornings it was easy to put it all into perspective. He was six weeks from reentering Ranger school. The commendation he'd been awarded by the state for excellence in the Banner Outreach Program last week had pretty much sown that up. He'd been recognized by the Governor of Washington State and Banner was now being reviewed by two other states as a model program for young offenders. He'd done well here. His chance to get his life and career back on track were within his grasp.

He'd even been dating a local girl, Carolyn Plummer, on and off for the last couple of months. He hadn't slept with her yet, couldn't seem to work up any enthusiasm for it, but she was a lovely girl. Pretty, intelligent, perfect officer's wife material. He was no fool. There was no room for bisexual Rangers in this man's army.

Yeah, from 7 am till noon, Monday through Friday, the world made sense. It might not be the world Ellison would chose for himself, but hell, he could deal with it. He could learn to live in it.

Then at noon, Sandburg would walk in the door and Jim would turn into a stag in rut.

He tried to ignore the kid. He never met those big blue eyes, never said anything personal, never so much as brushed his arm against the boy. Ah, but the five hours they were together in this 8 by 10 room were pure, unadulterated hell for Jim.

He finally knew what yearning was. He yearned to look into those eyes, he yearned to tell Blair all the things he'd never shared with anyone else, he yearned to stroke and lick every inch of that hot little body.

Jim had made the mistake of working late one evening and had still been in the office when the kid came back, fresh from the shower. His skin had been flushed, water droplets sparkling into the air from his curls with each toss of his head. The very air around them had been flavored with soap and warm Blair. Jim had almost lost it right there. Almost bent the kid over the end of the sofa and eased his swollen cock into that Ivory soap scented ass. He'd barely made it to his quarters before he had to beat off. He made damn sure he was out of the office by 5:15 after that.

Why did the one person in the whole world, goddammit, in his whole life, that he found damn near irresistible have to be a brilliant, beautiful, underage overachiever? Why couldn't Carolyn, the woman he would no doubt end up marrying, turn him on half as much as Blair did? The practice-perfect kisses Carolyn placed on his face were nowhere near as succulent as the clumsy ones Blair had shared with him.

Why was he letting one kid make such a fucking mess out of his head?

Jim was pulled from his musing by the sharp, staccato click of high heels on the wooden floor. The door was flung open and an attractive, fortyish redhead stood on the threshold.

"You're in charge here?" she demanded.

"Yes, ma'am. I'm Lt. Ellison." He stood. "How can I help you?"

"I'm here for my son. I just found out he was being held in this..this concentration camp."

Nutcase, Jim thought. Total nutcase. "Ma'am, please, slow down. Have a seat."

He indicated the chair across from him and gave her his best let's-be-reasonable smile. She sat down, clearly agitated.

"My son does not belong here. He is locked up like a criminal. He's not a criminal. He's a college student."

"Ma'am, let's start at the beginning. Your son is.."

"Obviously a prisoner of the right winged establishment. He's just a boy, for heaven's sake. What cause did the government have to snatch him from the dorm in the middle of the night and drag him to this damn reform school?"

"Ma'am," Jim tried again.

"His civil liberties have been violated. My parental rights have been violated. He's a minor. You can't just lock up a minor without some kind of a hearing. It's against the Constitution. I'll call the ACLU. I'll file complaints from one end of this state to the other. I'll...I'll..." She burst into tears.

Fuck, he hated it when women cried.

He pulled a tissue out of the box he kept in the bottom drawer of his desk and handed it to the weeping woman.

"Oh, God, he's going to hate me. Did you cut his hair? Please tell me you didn't cut his hair." She blew her nose. Her face crumbled as another thought came to her. "He's not in a uniform is he? A pseudo military uniform? Oh, my poor little baby." Her sobs turned into wails. A little too dramatic to be real for Jim.

"Ma'am. Ma'am, please, I can't help you if you don't tell me a little more. Who is your son?"

She cleared her throat and wiped her eyes. Batted her eyes. Was she flirting with him? "Blair. Blair Sandburg."

Jim felt like he'd been punched in the heart. "Blair Sandburg isn't supposed to be here?"

"No, I never agreed for him to be here. I don't understand why he is. I went to visit him this morning at Rainier and they told me he was taken to here to Banner."

Blair wasn't supposed to be here. She had come to take Blair away from Banner. Away from him.

Jim reached around to the file cabinet and pulled Blair's records. "According to his file, you requested him to be placed here until his eighteenth birthday. At that time, we would reevaluate and decide if he would return to college, spend an addition six months at Banner or be moved into an appropriate adult facility."

She shook her head and reached for the file. "That's not possible. I never knew." She began to read the sheets in front of her. "Oh, God, this isn't even my handwriting."

"What? Do you know who did sign it?"

"I'm afraid I do, Mr. Ellison."

"It's Lt. Ellison, Mrs. Sandburg."

"MS. Sandburg, actually, but call me Naomi." She seemed to be over her emotional crisis. "Where is Blair, Lt. Ellison? I need to see him, to explain what happened. I need to get him out of here as soon as possible."

"He should be back by now. Please, stay here and I'll go get him."

As Jim walked to the boys' barracks he wondered if he might throw up. Naomi had come to take the boy away.

No Blair, no turmoil.

No Blair, no struggling with temptation.

No Blair.

Why did that sound more like the end of the world then the end of a dilemma?

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

Blair decided to skip mess hall and head straight to the showers. He liked the privacy of showering while everyone else ate. He stripped, folded his uniform and placed it on the shelf outside the shower stall.

Jim still wanted him. The idea kept echoing in him. Jim still wanted him. Someone worthwhile thought he was, too. Un-fucking-believable.

Jim. Someone who understood duty and obligation and doing the right thing. Someone totally different than Naomi or anyone else Blair had grown up around. It was rare to find someone who put any kind of principles or morality above their own desires. Blair had been raised without self-restraint so he hadn't recognized it when he saw it. Jim wanted him but he was willing to give up what he wanted to do the right thing. Man, that was so cool.

Of course, it was stupid, too. Why deny themselves what they both wanted, what they both needed, because of some outdated interpretation of ethics? Sure, he was seventeen, but he was an adult in all other ways. Well, that whole minor thing was what had given Naomi the authority to stick him in Banner in the first place, but looking at it now, maybe it was more cosmic destiny than anything else. He would have never met Jim otherwise, never come to terms with his own sexuality, never known what it meant to love someone...whoa, love someone? Yeah, damn it, love someone.

He loved Jim.

It was as uncomplicated and as complex as that.

Blair began to stroke his hardening cock. Someday soon it would be Jim touching him like this. Jim's hand caressing him, his mouth and throat swallowing him. Touching. Sucking.

"Hey, Blair."

Shit. Weston. "What the fuck are you doing in here, man?" Blair moved to cover himself with the towel he had hanging in the stall.

"Is that for me?" Weston said, pointing at Blair's rapidly disappearing erection. "Or maybe you were thinking about your sugar daddy."

Blair put his back to the wall and turned the water off. Keep him talking. Someone will be in here soon. "Sugar daddy?"

"Yeah, Lt. Ellison. Everybody knows you're giving it to him."

"That's not true."

"What did you do, Blair? Go tell him somebody was after you?" Weston slowly unzipped his pants as he advanced on the smaller boy. "At first, I thought I was dead meat, you know. I guess you never told him who, did you?"

He pressed his hand against Blair's throat. "That's good Blair, because then I might have had to kill you."

He slid his hand down to the center of Blair's chest. "Now, I'll just fuck you instead."

"No way, Mark," Blair said, his voice trembling.

"Come on, Blair. It's not like you haven't been giving it up for Ellison. What's one more cock up your ass?" He kicked his pants off, never lessening the pressure on Blair's chest.

"It's not like that, man. Ellison's not a faggot."

Weston backhanded Blair across the face, splitting his upper lip. "I'm not a faggot either, you bitch. It's you."

"It's me?" His mouth was flooded with the bright taste of blood. Jesus, how much longer till someone came into the bathroom? "I'm not the one trying to get in some guy's ass, Mark. You are."

Mark grabbed Blair by the shoulders and slammed his head against the tile wall. Blair saw shooting sparks of red and yellow and for a moment thought he might faint. No, he couldn't pass out. No matter what, he had to stay conscious. It was his only chance.

"It is you, Sandburg," Weston spat. "You're so pretty." He grabbed Blair's chin and forced him to look up. "Just so damn pretty. It won't even be like fucking a boy," he said, almost to himself. He gave Blair a parody of a kiss, biting at his throat and bleeding lip. He ground his sizable erection into Blair's belly. "This is going to be so good. I've waited too damn long for you already."

Panic gave Blair a surge of strength. He pushed away from Weston and punched him in the gut. He made it to the stall door before Mark caught his arm and yanked him backward.

"Oh, that was really stupid, Sandburg. Really stupid. Did you think for a minute that I was going to let you get away?" He backhanded Blair again. There was a sharp pain in Blair's nose and he felt blood run down his face. "Now, unless you want me to rearrange that pretty face so badly that even old queens like Ellison won't want to screw you, I suggest you settle down."

Blair looked at his tormentor, hate burning in his blue eyes. "Fuck you, Mark."

"No, Blair. Fuck you." With that he spun Blair around and forced him facedown on the floor. "Hard way, easy way. All the same to me." He placed his hand of the back of Blair's neck, trapping his face and shoulders against the floor.

Blair could see bright red blood gathering on the green tile. My blood, he thought. This is really going to happen.

Mark slid his arm under the other boy's abdomen and pulled up till Blair's hips were in the air. He nudged Blair's legs apart with his knee. "Stay just like that, Princess, and I won't hurt you too much."

Blair was having trouble breathing. His chest was tight with fear and his mouth and nose were filled with blood. He coughed, trying to clear his airway. "Mark, don't do this. Please."

"Keep begging, Blair. I'm still going to fuck you but I love hearing it." He rubbed roughly at Blair opening. "Tight. Maybe you haven't been fucking Ellison."

"I told you I haven't." He choked, then spit out blood and saliva on the floor. "Mark, please."

"Mark, please," Weston mocked him. He shoved a finger into Blair's ass. Blair tried to scoot forward, but was held fast by the hand on his neck and Mark's weight. "Take it easy, Sandburg. Once I pop you it'll feel good. For me at least."

Blair felt lightheaded with pain and terror. God, this was really happening. Mark pressed the blunt head of his cock against Blair's opening. "Fuck, Sandburg, you're so tight it might take a long time to get in. Not that I mind. You might though, Princess."

Blair was groaning in pain. Weston increased the pressure on his neck. "Shut up, damn it, or you'll be sorry." Blair wasn't sure what Weston could do to make him sorrier but he didn't want to find out. The burning and tearing pressure increased at his entrance.

I wish you would have been the first, Jim. He screamed as the head of Weston's cock finally started to breech him.

Then the weight was gone. He curled up on his side, protecting his head with his arms.

"Blair. Blair, are you alright?" The boy looked out around his hands. Jim was kneeling beside him, trying to gather him in his arms.

"Jim?" He reached up and touched the older man's face. There were tears in Jim's eyes.

"Blair, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Blair buried his face in the crook of Jim's neck, oddly feeling that Jim needed comfort more than he did.

"It's okay," he mumbled out of broken lips and bleeding nose. "I'm okay." He looked over Jim's shoulder. Weston was gone.

"I'll kill that son of a bitch."

"No, don't do anything like that. I'm okay. You got here in time. Promise me you won't do anything, Jim. Your career, my school, everything. He could ruin everything. Please. Promise me."

Jim looked into the beautiful eyes of the boy. Everything the kid had been through the last three months and still more concerned with Jim than himself. Jim helped Blair stand, trying not to stare at the young body. "Let's get you cleaned up."

Blair blinked back his tears and nodded.

The kid was shaky. Jim held him up as he washed the blood from his face.

"Blair, I think we should head over to the infirmary."

"No. I'm okay. I don't want anyone else to know about this." Blair looked into the mirror over the sink. The gash on his mouth wasn't as bad as the one Weston had given him two weeks ago. His nose hurt like hell and was swollen but he was pretty sure it wasn't broken. There was a slight darkening on his left cheek from being held down on the floor. "Help me get dressed. I just want to go lay down." Blair touched the sore place at the back of his head. His hand came away red.

Jim swore under his breath. He held Blair against him with one hand and examined the back of the boy's head with the other. There was a golf ball sized knot slowly oozing blood. "Christ, Sandburg, he really did a number on you. You've got to be checked at the infirmary."

"No. I want this kept quiet. If I go to the infirmary, everybody will know."

"Look, it's not like you did anything wrong. It's not your fault that little bastard hurt you."

"Isn't it?"

Jim heard the doubt in the boy's voice. What the hell was the kid thinking? "Of course it isn't your fault." He sat Blair on the edge of the sink and helped him slide on his pants and shirt. Jim bent over and put the boy's shoes on him.

Blair leaned heavily against Jim. "Man, this sucks. My head is killing me."

"Blair, where else do you hurt?"

"Mostly just my head."

"Did he..."

"No. Almost. You got here in time. Thanks."

"You're sure? Because if he did, you could be injured internally."

"He didn't put anything inside me, okay?" Blair lied. A finger and the tip of a cock couldn't have done that much internal damage. He hoped. He was sore, bruised but he didn't think Ellison could handle the truth. Blair could feel the tremors just beneath Jim's calm facade. He feared what Jim might do to Weston if he knew everything.

"Jim, please, let it go. I'm alright." He stood up from the sink. "I just want to sleep. Maybe put a little ice on my face."

Jim swallowed back his frustrated anger. Right now, taking care of Blair was first priority. He'd take care of that little dick Weston later.

"Yeah, okay. Sit on the bench while I clean up this mess."

Blair eased on to the metal bench, hiding his discomfort. Fuck, he hurt down there. He watched as Ellison headed back to the shower stall. He never, ever wanted to be in here alone again.

Jim turned the shower on. That was twice he'd allowed circumstances to spin out of control with Weston. Twice Blair had been hurt.

He would never forget the horror of walking into the barracks and hearing Blair's muffled cries for help. When he threw back the shower curtain and saw Weston forcing himself on Blair, Jim had been filled with rage.

As he watched the water turn pink and swirl down the drain, he was ashamed. His first thought at the scene in front of him hadn't been about Blair or Blair's safety. It had been about possession. Ownership. Trespassing.

Mine, he'd thought. Blair belongs to me. And some little asshole was touching what belonged to me.

Jim had grabbed Weston by the scruff of the neck and hurled him across the stall. He hadn't looked away from Blair to see where or when the other boy had gone.

Damn. Naomi was still waiting in his office.

When Ellison finished washing away the blood, he found Sandburg half asleep on the bench, that angelic face smashed again.

"Blair, are you asleep?"

"Nah, just resting my eyes." He rose gingerly. "Can we go now?"

"Yeah, everything is clean now." Jim gently touched the bruised cheek. "I think we should have that x-rayed."

"It's not broken, Jim. Look, I'm alert and oriented. Check my pupils if you want. Whatever, but I'm not going to the doctor, okay?"

"Hey, calm down. If you don't want to go, you don't have to."

"I've had worse from playing basketball. Honest."

"Sandburg. Blair, there was a reason I came to find you. Your mom is here."

"Naomi is here at Banner?"

"She's in the office right now waiting for us."

"I don't want to see that bitch."

"Blair, she didn't know."

"Didn't know what?"

"She said she didn't know you were here. She went to see you in Cascade and you were gone. She says she didn't sign the papers to commit you to Banner. Someone else did without her permission."

"Probably Chad. Her latest."

"She didn't say. The point is, she didn't know you were pulled from college and put in Banner."

"Jesus, Jim, don't you understand that that almost makes it worse?"

Privately, Jim agreed but he said, "Give her a chance. She was really upset."

"I'll bet," came the bitter reply.

"Come on. I'll be there with you."

"Promise?"

"Sure."

"You'll stay there the whole time?"

"I will."

"Okay, then. Let's go."

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

Jim wrapped his arm around the boy's shoulder, lending support as they crossed the darkened parade field to the headquarters building. Blair soaked up the warmth and strength of the big body beside him.

Naomi met them at the door. "Oh, my God. What happened to you?" She pulled Blair into her arms and gave Jim a look of disgust. "What did you do to him?"

"Mom, I fell in the shower." He pushed back from her and gave her a reassuring smile. "I wasn't paying attention. Moving too fast, you know how I am. Anyway, I was on the floor when Lt. Ellison came in. He helped me, Mom."

"Oh," Naomi said.

Jim could tell she thought there was more to the story but was willing to accept an easy explanation. He wondered how often Blair had told her what she wanted to hear rather than the truth. He worried briefly that the boy might have done the same thing with him.

"Mom, I'm fine. Not that I'm not glad to see you, but why are you here?"

"Blair, honey, I went to see you at your dorm in Cascade and they told me you were here. I didn't do this to you, Blair. You have to believe that."

In that moment, Blair saw Naomi as she truly was. She could never be the kind of mother he wanted or needed. She couldn't be depended on. She was selfish, vain and ineffectual. For all that, she wasn't a bad person, just a weak and immature one. Naomi was the kind of woman who only felt her worth through the eyes of a man. So there would always be another man down the road for her. Another trip for self-enlightenment that would only obscure. She was, on her own, without substance.

Even so, he loved her. And she loved him as much as she knew how. He had a choice. He could accept her. Accept her frailties, her benign approach not only to parenting but to life, or he could spend the rest of his days angry, bitter, wishing her to be someone and something that she could never be.

"I believe you, Mom." He kissed her cheek.

"You do? Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry about all this."

"It's okay. Really."

"I'm going to take you back to Rainier right now."

"Ms. Sandburg," Jim interrupted. "I can't let you just take him tonight. He has been processed through the system. There is a procedure that has to be followed to get him released. Some forms to fill out, calls to make. As much as I liked to let you take him now, I can't."

"When then?"

"Sometime tomorrow."

She shook her head. "No, tonight."

"Mom," Blair said, "look, this isn't Lt. Ellison's fault. One more night here isn't going to kill me."

"Well," Naomi looked reluctant to give in.

"Mom, please. Lt. Ellison has been good to me. Don't make any trouble for him, okay?"

"Okay, honey," she said. "I'll come back first thing in the morning. Be packed." She turned to Jim. "Do you mind if I speak to my son alone for a minute?"

Jim shot a concerned glance at Blair. The kid gave him a slight nod. "Of course." Jim stepped into the hallway.

Naomi might not have been much of a mother but she had had enough lovers to catch the undercurrent of electricity between her beautiful son and the good looking lieutenant. She knew she had to do something to protect Blair's heart and his future.

"Blair, sweetie, I need to say something before I go."

"Sure." He carefully sat on the sofa and she sat beside him, taking his hand in hers.

"I have a lot to say so please, let me finish without interrupting." The boy nodded. "First, I'm sorry. I let Chad have control over my life, my money, everything. I had no idea that he resented you, Blair. I should have kept a better eye on things. I didn't and you had to deal with the consequences. I'm so sorry."

"Mom, it's okay."

"No, it's not okay, hon. Let me finish. I know it's been hard on you here. This life must have been strangling your creativity. God, hair cuts and uniforms. I should have been there to stand up for you, Blair. I should have been there to protect you myself. I wasn't. Nothing can change that so we have to move on." She took a cleansing breath.

"Blair, I know when we're young and we meet someone a little older, someone attractive who pays attention to us, sometimes we can confuse our feelings of admiration with feelings of infatuation, even love."

"What are you talking about, Mom?"

"I saw the way you look at Lt. Ellison, Blair. I'll be the first to admit, he's a great looking man. Smart, good body."

"Mom, please!"

"Honey, it's understandable that you would have feelings for someone like that."

"But it's not like that."

"Blair, you know I don't make any judgments on a person's sexuality. Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, they're all just labels. And we shouldn't use labels."

"Mom."

"No, Blair, let me finish. I can tell you have strong emotions toward him. Maybe you even think that you love him. But, sweetie, sometimes loving someone means not being in his life."

"Okay, I'm lost," Blair said. "What are you trying to say?"

"Let's suppose you really are in love with him. Let's even say he's in love with you, too. Where do you fit into his world, Blair? Forget about your education for now. Let's just talk about him. He's head of a boys' military camp."

"He goes back to his regular army post in six weeks. He's in the Ranger program."

"Oh, honey, don't you see that's even worse? What will you do? Follow him? Go from post to post with him?"

"Why not?"

"As what, Blair? He can't marry you. What will he say you are? His cousin? His ward? How long until other people figure out that you're more to him than that?"

"But if we love each other..."

"In a perfect world, sweetie, I'd say yes, follow your heart. If you do now, you'll destroy him. Do you really think the military will tolerate, not to mention promote, him while he lives openly with a young gay lover?"

"Mom, please." Blair couldn't bear to hear any more. "Please stop."

"I'm sorry, honey. I know it's not something you want to face but you have to." She hugged him close. "Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do. I know I haven't exactly led by example in that respect. We both know I've taken the easy way out more often than not." She took a tissue out of her purse and blew her nose. "But you, baby, are a better person than I am."

"That's not true."

"Yes, Blair, it is true. You're smarter, you're stronger. I've depended on you since you were old enough to talk. I've never been the kind of mother to give advice. I must be channeling Donna Reed tonight. You think about what I said, Blair. I know you'll make the right decision."

She kissed him. "I'll be back in the morning for you. I'll do better from now on, honey. I promise."

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you, Blair." She made a quick decision. She leaned over to whisper in his ear. "You have tonight, Blair. Don't waste it." With that she was out the door.

Jim was standing in the hallway.

"Can I walk you to your car, Ms Sandburg?"

"I wish you would, Lieutenant. I'd like to speak to you."

"Great." He wondered what the hell she wanted.

As they walked Naomi hummed under her breath. Once they reached her car, Jim opened the driver's side door for her.

"Lt. Ellison."

"Ma'am?"

"I don't know how to be discreet, Lt. Ellison, so I'll just come out and say it. Blair thinks he's in love with you. And I think you might feel the same way about him."

Jim said nothing. In love with him? A weight he hadn't even known was lodged in his chest lifted.

"Did you hear me?" Naomi said.

"Yes, ma'am. I'm just not sure why you'd say that."

"Blair practically told me and I saw the way you looked at him."

"Looked at him?"

"Yes, Lieutenant. Like you could gobble him up in two bites."

Jim was stunned. Was he that obvious? Did Blair love him? He knew the boy was attracted to him but loved him? A nugget of hope settled in his heart. Could this be true? A forever with Blair? A chance to spend day after day with someone so bright, so beautiful, so full of life? Someone who made him feel alive, too?

He could almost taste the boy on the air. Jungle. Life. Blair.

"Lt. Ellison, I think you need to be gentle when you let him down."

"Let him down?" Was she out of her fucking mind? Let Blair down? He planned to spend every day of his life building Blair up. Supporting him. Loving him.

"Of course, let him down. Your career aside, what about Blair? His dream of being an anthropologist? Of traveling to the big digs all over the world? He's so intelligent, Lieutenant. He has so much potential. Would you have him become some kind of a camp follower? What about his education? Should he throw away his scholarship? He's so young, Lieutenant. I know in many ways he's more mature than you or I, but he is still a boy. He's dazzled by you. You're so big and handsome and dependable. I'm guessing you're pretty hard to resist."

"Blair and I have never..."

"I know I've failed Blair many times and he wouldn't appreciate me telling you this but if he goes with you, if he stays with you, he'll never find his own dream. He'll follow yours. He'll never use that amazing brain of his. I think you really might love him, Lieutenant. I wonder if you love him enough to say goodbye." She slid into the driver's seat. "Goodnight, Lt. Ellison. I'll be back in the morning."

As he watched her car drive away, the hope in him was crushed.

For one moment he'd let himself believe that there could be a happy ending for them. He'd allowed himself to dream of a future with someone by his side who not only wanted him but understood him.

He once thought he'd never know what love was.

Now he did.

The bitter taste of regret filled his mouth.

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

He never thought the day would come when he and Naomi would reach a point of total understanding. His mother had broken his heart so many times by being in the wrong that he'd never imagined she could do it by being in the right. She was so on the mark.

He and Jim could not be together.

You have tonight. Don't waste it.

He understood what she'd meant by that, too. She was giving her blessing for Ellison and him to consummate their barely even started and soon to be over relationship. Naomi knew how fleeting love could be. At least her idea of love was fleeting.

His was not.

He knew she meant well. Make love with Jim then you'll be able to move on was pure Naomi Sandburg logic. She'd lived that as long as he could remember. She hardly had time to change sheets in between lovers. He'd always thought she was, well, kind of a slut. Now he wondered if she had once fallen in love with someone she couldn't have.

Sometimes loving someone means staying out of his life.

Is that what she'd done? Loved someone enough to walk away? He'd always been curious why she wouldn't talk about his father. Maybe he had been that one for her.

Like Jim was that one for him.

You have tonight. Don't waste it.

He wouldn't.

Blair changed into a pair of well-worn gray sweat pants and an old white tee shirt. He stood barefooted by the office window waiting for Jim to return. The night was moonless. Every now and then he would see Jim in the splash of a street lamp.

Ellison looked defeated.

Blair wondered if he, too, knew there was no tomorrow for them. God, no doubt because Jim was much more realistic than he was. It had probably never even crossed the older man's mind that Blair entertained the idea of forever. Jim would think Blair was being ridiculously childish to think about the long term with them. He'd not given any indication that long term was what he wanted.

Only, when Blair saw the way Jim looked at him, hell, when Naomi saw the way Jim looked at him, he'd made the monumental leap from lust to forever. Was he that desperate to belong to someone? That desperate to belong with someone?

Jim climbed the six wooden steps into the building.

Blair pushed aside the tide of grief that threatened to overwhelm him.

They had now.

When Jim walked into the room, Blair raised up on his toes and pressed a soft, closed mouth kiss to the hard line of his lips. Jim gave in, then pulled away.

"No, Sandburg. I told you before, no more."

"Jim, there is no more. There's tonight. Let's not waste it." He wrapped his arms around Jim knowing the bigger man wouldn't risk hurting him to get away. "Don't think, Jim. For once, don't think. Forget our ages and our obligations and every other damn thing that's keeping us from making love. Please."

"I can't, Blair. I can't."

"You mean you won't. Haven't I been hurt enough tonight? Why the fuck are you rejecting me? What about me is so right for Weston and so wrong for you?"

"It wasn't your fault that Weston attacked you, Blair."

"He said it was. He said that something about me attracted straight guys against their will." He continued to hold tight to Jim.

Jim began to absently stroke Blair's back. "You are one of the most attractive people I've ever known, Blair. Man or woman. That has nothing to do with Weston trying to rape you. That was violence not lust. You do realize that, right?"

Blair sighed. "I guess."

Jim tried again. "Look, Blair, it's not that I don't want to it's just that the timing sucks."

"Jesus, Jim, maybe the timing will never be right for us. Do we give up this one chance for the sake of six weeks? How much different a person will I be in 42 days, Jim?"

"I..."

Blair put his hand over Jim's mouth. He could see Jim's desire warring with his sense of duty. "In a few hours I'll be gone, Jim. I'm not asking you to give me any kind of commitment. I know that's not possible." Damn it. Blair had to swallow hard against the unwanted scorch of tears. "I'm only asking you to hold me. Make love to me. I need you to take away the ugliness of tonight and give me a memory I can live with." One I can cherish. "Can you do that for me?"

Jim looked into the boy's bright eyes. A single tear spilt over onto Blair's cheek. Jim licked it away. Salt. Sweet. Blair. Another tear slid down the smooth cheek. Then another and another. Jim was struck by Blair's utter stillness as tears continued to slip down his beautiful face. There was no hitch in his breathing, no sniffling, no noise. Just huge blue eyes drenched in sorrow. Were 42 days and his pride worth even one of Blair's tears? Did he really believe that the kid didn't know his own mind?

Whose heart was he really protecting right now? Blair's or his own?

What were a few hours compared to a lifetime without him? They could have now together. Then Jim would be strong when it mattered most. He would love Blair enough not to tell him. And he'd love Blair enough to say goodbye.

"Ok, Blair. Yes." He wiped the kid's tears away with the back of his hand. He kissed the boy gently. "Come with me." Jim lead the way to the small room off the office. A tiny cot. A place out of time for them.

And Blair followed.

The bedroom was in shadow.

Jim wanted to see everything, remember everything about their lovemaking. He understood in his heart that in the years to come he would pull out the memory of this night to comfort and torture himself with. He switched the small bedside light on then opened his arms to Blair.

The boy stepped into them without hesitation.

For a moment they merely clung to each other. Blair's hair was damp against Jim's shirt. He could feel the boy's heartbeat. Steady, reassuring. Blair looked up at him.

"I want this, Jim."

Any doubts the older man still held were swept away as Blair pressed a soft kiss to his throat. "I want this, too, Blair. I have from the beginning." He slid his right hand under Blair's tee shirt and began tracing circles on the small of his back. He tilted Blair's chin up with his left hand and ran his tongue along the pink seam of the boy's lips.

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

Blair opened his mouth to draw Jim's tongue in. The pain in his nose and mouth disappeared as he touched the heat of Jim's skin.

Blair had never been with a man but this was familiar territory. He sucked gently on Jim's tongue while he quickly unbuttoned the lieutenant's uniform shirt. Easy. Shit, he'd unbuttoned girls' blouses hundreds of times. He'd perfected kissing to distraction so that he'd have a chance to open those blouses. Now, he wanted to kiss to please as much as he wanted to touch the cloth covered flesh.

Like a woman, Jim's skin was sleek and hairless but there the similarity ended. The body under Blair's searching fingers was firm and well defined. He traced the abdominal muscles. How had he ever thought a woman was more enticing than this? That the soft giving of a female body was more exciting than the tightly leashed power he held beneath his hands right now? Blair's cock was diamond hard.

Jim eased Blair's body more tightly against his own, rubbing his erection to the boy's. The scent of the Blair's arousal, the sweetness of his lips, the trail of heat left by his hands on Jim's torso were almost overwhelming. His senses were on fire.

Blair pulled his mouth from Jim's. "God, I want you so much, Jim." He slid the open shirt off the older man's arms then turned his head to lap at Jim's nipples. They were smaller than a woman's but more responsive, beading up tight under Blair's suckling.

When he heard Jim call his name, Blair fell slowly to his knees, dragging his open mouth down Jim's body. He whorled his tongue in Jim's navel and grabbed the man's belt with trembling hands.

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

As he looked down at the boy kneeling in front him, he saw Blair unfasten the brass buckle of his belt and ease his pants and brief down his slim hips. "Oh God," Blair said as he took Jim's cock into his hands. "You're perfect."

Jim hissed as the boy licked the droplets of precome that were smeared at the head of his cock. Blair stopped. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Christ, no. You're doing everything right, Blair."

Blair gave him a shy smile before making a perfect O with his lush mouth and sliding Jim's cock into it. Jim threaded his fingers through Blair's hair and guided his head slowly back and forth, enjoying the way Blair swirled his tongue as he applied suction. Blair kept one hand under Jim's balls, caressing and separating them while he squeezed Jim's firm ass with the other.

Jim could hardly breathe. Fantasy Blair had been candy sweet, innocent. Reality Blair was hungry, aggressive. Incredible.

Blair had begun the blowjob trying to imitate the best oral sex he'd ever received. But the minute he'd felt the silky hardness of Jim's penis against the roof of his mouth, all rational thought fled. He went on instinct, slurping Jim deeper and deeper into his throat, starving for more of the musky come he'd tasted a hint of. Jim's moans of pleasure and encouraging "Fuck, yes, Blair. Just like that. Just like that. Fuck, yes," were turning him on so much he though he might explode.

I'm making him lose it. My first blowjob and I'm making him totally lose it. No matter who gives him head after this, I want him to remember me, kneeling at his feet, ready to eat him alive.

Jim felt the pressure building inside him. He watched his dick, wet with Blair's saliva, move in and out of that delicious mouth. The mouth that had dominated his fantasies for months. The mouth that had whispered his name in awe. The mouth that had promised "I want this."

"Oh, Blair, you;re so damn good." He pumped hard and deep into Blair and still Blair met him, stroke for stroke, growling a little deep in his throat as though he couldn't get enough.

With a shout Jim came Blair's mouth. "Jesus, Blair."

The boy gulped down Jim's seed and continued to suck Jim's semi erect cock without breaking his rhythm. He released his hold on Jim's balls and gave his own aching member a few hard strokes through the gray sweats. His own orgasm hit as he swallowed down the last drops of Jim's.

Jim kicked off the uniform pants that were pooled at his feet. He reached for Blair and dragged him into a quick embrace. He took the boy's tee-shirt by the hem, pulled it over his head and dropped it on the floor.

He led the boy to cot and laid him down. He pulled the sticky sweats off, used them to mop the come off Blair's belly then tossed them on the floor as well.

He climbed on the cot and pulled the boy into his arms.

"That was incredible, Blair. Amazing." Jim kissed the boy deeply, tasting himself mixed in the jungle loam of Blair's mouth. It tasted right.

Like home. Like it never would with anyone else.

He gently turned the boy so he was flat on his back. Jim smiled when he saw Blair's cock was already springing back to life. Ah, to be seventeen and so quick to recover. He spread Blair's legs apart and rocked back on his heels between them. "Thank you, Blair."

"We're not done, are we?" Jim chuckled at the disappointment in Blair's voice.

"No, not quite yet, but I want you to know that I appreciate your gift to me."

Blair gave him a brilliant smile and Jim's heart broke again. How was he supposed to be strong when this kid looked at him like he had hung the moon?

"Jim, I needed this. Needed you. I still do."

Jim leaned forward and kissed the boy again. God, were there enough hours in a lifetime to kiss this kid?

Blair returned the kiss enthusiastically, lifting up his hips to find friction for his hardening cock. Jim placed his hand on Blair's thigh and pinned him down to the mattress. "My turn to please you," he said.

"Jim, you did. That was one of the most intense orgasms I've ever had."

"Good, but I promise the next one will be better." He nuzzled that the boy's neck, sucking in tiny bits of flesh, savoring the flavor of Blair's youth. He moved around slowly, tonguing Blair's collarbone, the curve of his adam's apple, the base of his throat.

The boy moaned out loud. Jim smiled inwardly. He was certain no high school girl or college coed had done for Blair what he was doing. He selfishly wanted the boy to remember him, to think of him every time he had sex no matter how many lovers he took after Jim.

He gave long sweeping tongue laps across the boy's hair dusted chest. The image of a great cat grooming its mate flashed through Jim's mind. And the image, like their mingled tastes, hit a chord of rightness in his soul.

"Please, Jim, please," Blair said.

Jim felt his cock start to harden. Fuck, just the sound of Blair's voice brought his dick to attention. He hooked Blair's knees over his shoulders and began to nip at the soft skin of the boy's inner thighs.

"Please, Jim," Blair begged.

Jim could resist no longer. He placed his mouth on the very tip of Blair's penis and tongue fucked the oozing slit. Blair's hands clenched and unclenched rhythmically in the sheets as Jim finally let the taunt heat of the boy's cock pass into his hungry mouth. Jim worked the muscles of his throat milking Blair's cock. He could hear Blair's harsh breathing, feel the blood swishing through the body under his hands. Mine, mine, mine, his brain chanted. Mine, mine, mine.

"Jim, stop," Blair was struggling against him but with his legs over Jim's shoulders and his hips dangling in the air he wasn't making much progress.

Goddammit! How long had Blair been pushing away? It had happened again. He'd been so caught up in sensation, he'd lost track of everything else. He let the boy's wet cock slip from his mouth and lowered his legs to the bed.

"Did I hurt you, Blair?"

"Hurt me? Hell, no. You made me feel...it was great but I want to come with you inside me, Jim."

"Blair, I don't know if that's a good idea." Even as he said it he caressed the curve of the boy's smooth ass.

"It's a terrific idea."

"I don't have any lube or condoms. I don't want your first time to be a painful disaster, Blair."

Blair sat up and put his arms around Jim. "Yours was," Blair speculated.

"Yeah," Jim replied. Blair kissed his cheek.

"I'm sorry that happened to you but I know you won't hurt me. You're going to make it excellent." He reached between them and stroked Jim's cock. "You're so big. God, I want to feel it inside me, Jim. I want the first time to be you. Only you."

"I..."

"Don't worry, okay? I bought lube and condoms a few weeks ago when I thought we might...well, and here we are." He sighed. "But I don't want you to use a condom. I want to be skin to skin. I was checked out when I came to Banner so I know I'm clean. And I've already swallowed you once."

Jim nodded. "I'm clean. Still that wasn't very careful of me."

"This isn't about being careful," Blair insisted. "This is about us and having now. I want you to fuck me, Jim. I want you inside me when we come. I want to feel like I'm yours."

"You are," Jim said. Blair reached into the nightstand and pulled out a tube.

"Here. Now, tell me what to do."

Jim smiled. Only Blair could make his submission sound like an order.

"Lay halfway on your right side with your left knee bent up." Jim watched the boy as he settled into position then rubbed his cock against the mattress. "Slow down, Blair." Jim had a feeling he wasn't going to last long as it was.

"Please, don't make me wait too long," Blair said.

"I have to get you ready first."

"Fuck it, I am ready." Blair was restless, pushing his hips towards Jim.

"Blair, for God's sake, it's hard enough for me to take it slow as it is."

Blair let out a breathy laugh as he felt Jim's tongue lick at his tight entrance. "Then don't." The earlier pain of Weston's violation melted away when Jim's tongue dipped into Blair's ass, skillfully loosening the tight muscle ring. "Oh, Jim, more."

Jim pressed his face flush into the boy's firm cheeks, moving his tongue round and round the sweet dark hole. Loam. Jungle. When he had extended his tongue as far in as he could, Jim made a noiseless hum that sent vibrations deep into the Blair's body.

"Jesus, I can't believe how good that feels, man."

Jim tongued the hole for a moment longer, not wanting to give up the delicious feast of Blair's body. He carefully slid one well-lubed finger in as he withdrew his tongue.

"More. For Christ sake, Jim, more." Jim pushed in a second finger and Blair bucked his hips back against them.

Jim gently withdrew his fingers then placed his cock at the entrance of the lube shiny hole. Gripping his penis just under the head, he slowly circled around the muscle ring as he had with his tongue. He felt it soften, loosen. Slowly he thrust forward. Blair drew in a sharp breath. Jim held still. "It's okay, Blair. We can stop if you want." He wondered if he was lying; he wasn't sure at all if he could stop now. He prayed he wouldn't be asked to.

"No, I'm fine. Don't stop." Blair flexed his hips, moving Jim in an inch deeper. "I need this. I need you."

Jim leaned forward and kissed the back of Blair's neck. Sweat had moistened the skin and Jim licked it off as he advanced another inch. He could feel the welcoming ripple of Blair's body. He pushed forward a little more. Then withdrew to the tip of his cock. And pushed forward again, a little further this time. Then withdrew. Then pushed forward.

Blair groaned and rocked his hips along with Jim's.

"You like it, don't you, Blair?"

"Fuck yes. I love it. I want you all the way inside," he panted. "I want to feel your balls pressed against my ass." He moaned again as Jim took a long stroke inside him.

"Almost, Blair, almost." Blair's body was sucking his cock in. "You're hungry for it, aren't you, Blair? Did you used to think about us like this? Me buried in you? Fucking you?"

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

"Yes, damn it. I beat off to it every night." He felt Jim slide the last few inches into him. "Fuck me hard, Jim."

Blair couldn't believe the sensation of being filled. He'd screwed plenty of girls but he'd never been screwed before. The stretching, the taking, the accepting. Incredible. He moved his hand to stroke his penis. Long ropey strands of precome were soaking the bed. He knew he wouldn't last much longer. Still, he wanted more.

"Deeper, Jim. I want you deeper."

Jim didn't miss a stroke as he brought Blair up to his hands and knees. Blair almost blacked out as the pressure and pleasure increased with the new angle. "Can you handle that, Blair? Is it too much?"

"No...no, just right," Blair gasped. Jim reached around and grabbed Blair's cock. He knew he was too close and he wanted Blair to come with him.

Blair didn't know that sex could feel this good. That anything could feel this good. Jim was pounding into him mercilessly and stroking his cock with the same rhythm. Over and over. Deeper and harder. He lost the sense of where he ended and Jim began. They were one. Moving together. Breathing together. Joined.

Jim pulled him back so that Blair was sitting on his thighs. Blair cried out at the increased depth then pushed down with his weight to be impaled even further on Jim's cock.

"Come for me, Blair. Let me feel you come."

"Yes, yes." As he spurted over Jim's pumping hand, he heard Jim call out his name. He felt Jim tense up under him, then felt the flood of hot come fill his ass. They sank boneless onto the cot.

Jim pulled out slowly and Blair felt the hot liquid leak out of him. Jim kissed Blair's throat and shoulders. "Thank you, Blair. Thank you."

Blair merely nodded, afraid he might cry. Afraid he might say I love you. And he already knew that sometimes loving someone meant staying out of his life.

Jim held Blair for a long time afterward, drinking in the boy's beauty, his goodness, his rightness. He knew he would never find anyone to take this boy's place in his life.

And when he thought the boy finally slept, he left him.

Blair watched him go through tear-filled eyes.

~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~

Epilogue

Eight years later.

Blair knew he was dreaming. He was only half-asleep. He felt the textbook under his cheek and figured he was sitting at his office desk in the basement of Anthropology building at Rainier. He slept there a lot.

In his dream (fuck, Blair, at least admit to yourself it's a fantasy) Jim was here, talking to him. Telling Blair he was sorry he'd never contacted him after that night at Banner. Swearing to Blair that he loved him, he'd always loved, he always would. Here, the fantasy, er, dream, often varied. Sometimes Blair would grab Jim, kiss him and tell him he loved him, too, and they'd fuck each other senseless. Other times, Blair would give him a sad smile and lie and say the past was past.

If only the past was past.

Blair had become like his mother. He made love with many but loved none.

He was always kind and considerate to his lovers but they knew from the beginning that if they got too close or asked too much of him, Blair would be gone. He just didn't have it in him to care about anyone that way again.

Oh, Jim. Our timing really did suck.

Five years ago he'd read about Jim's triumphant return from the Peru. A hero. Blair knew he had made the right decision all those years ago. Nothing like that could have happened for Jim had Blair remained his lover.

He had comforted himself with the thought he'd given Jim the chance to be the kind of person he wanted to be. Yeah, that cold comfort had lasted until six months later when he had seen the wedding announcement for Jim Ellison and Carolyn Plummer.

Blair had thought he would die.

For two weeks he'd drunk everything he could get his hands on and fucked anyone he could get his dick in. Jim married to someone else. Jim going on with his life enough that he could not only love someone else but commit to them.

Blair hadn't know he could hurt so much and still be alive.

He had found an expedition and had left for South America before he could totally ruin his reputation.

When he returned from South America, he had made a point of not knowing anything about Jim. It just hurt too fucking much. He wondered how many years would pass before he would get over this obsession.

He thought of Naomi. She had never gotten over his father. He was twenty-six, so she was at least twenty-seven years into her obsession.

The phone rang next to his ear. He gave up the pretense of sleep.

"Hi, this is Blair Sandburg."

"Hey, Blair, this is Terry."

"Hey, Terry, how's it going?" Blair felt a tiny stab of apprehension. Terry was a nurse down at Cascade General. He'd slept with her several times, had even been fond of her, but she started to get too clingy and Blair had quietly backed off.

"I didn't want to bother you during your office hours but I've got something here I want to fax you."

"No problem. What do you have?"

"We have a patient here presenting symptoms like the ones you were telling me about for your thesis. You know, acute hearing and vision. Hypersensitivity to food tastes and odors. Anyway, the docs can't find anything going on with him. I thought maybe..."

"Oh, Terry, you're the best. Fax it right now. I can be at the hospital in 20 minutes. Thanks so much."

"I wanted to do it for you, Blair. Look, Blair, I'm sorry I pushed before."

"No, I'm sorry, Terry. Look, why don't we get together this weekend and talk."

"You mean it?"

"Yeah, I'll call, okay?"

"Great, Blair."

"Terry, thanks again."

"I'm just glad to help." As Blair hung up the phone, he heard the fax start up.

Too perfect. Maybe this guy would be the real thing.

Blair picked up the fax and scanned the top sheet.

Unbelievable.

Detective James Ellison.

Maybe this was their opportunity, maybe their timing didn't suck after all.

His heart lifted as he ran out of the office.

 

Fin


End file.
